


so let's let things come out of the woodwork

by qrtghoib



Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Anxiety, Depression, M/M, Misunderstandings, Unreliable Narrator, mentions of past unhealthy relationships, unrequited toastkkuno
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-23
Updated: 2021-01-23
Packaged: 2021-03-15 02:34:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,325
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28931079
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/qrtghoib/pseuds/qrtghoib
Summary: "I mean, it's like this. You're trying to protect someone who's totally capable of protecting himself, because he makes you think that he needs you when he doesn't. And it's fine after a few weeks, months, years. It makes you feel loved, wanted. But sooner or later he'll realize you're a liability. By then, you're already disposable and it's too late."
Relationships: Corpse Husband/Sykkuno (Video Blogging RPF)
Comments: 5
Kudos: 67





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> please read this [blanket fic disclaimer](https://daechwita.dreamwidth.org/332.html) before continuing.

Corpse met Sykkuno during a rainy day at campus orientation.

He was the oldest of the crowd, twenty-two and worn down by deadlines. He wasn't sure why he was even in the crowd to begin with. It's not like this kind of commotion was his go-to when he happened to have a free time. The number of boisterous teenagers shouting questions and jostling their friends was so overwhelming that the voices of the poor sophomore students assigned to guide them could no longer be heard. It's okay, though. Corpse didn't come here for the school tour.

Breathing deeply, Corpse dug his hands into his pockets and unconsciously started fidgeting, tugging at a hangnail that grew back as often as it was pulled loose. His mind played the same sentence over and over again: "Hello, my name is Corpse. I'm a media studies major and I was wondering if I could talk to some people from the Math department for a project," It didn't work, as far as a plan goes. He couldn't stop himself from overthinking every single detail of that sentence. _What project? Why didn't you say that from the beginning? But don't explain too much about the project, you'll just end up rambling and losing your train of thought and no one's gonna listen to you. What people are you looking to interview? Undergrads? Postdoc students? Professors? Why aren't you being specific? Why aren't you giving the other person a chance to reply?_

Before he knew it, he had arrived at the Mathematics and Computer Science Department's booth. Some people were rearranging the 3.14 pie at the front table, presumably because it didn't look like it had structural integrity and thus kept falling apart. A guy with glasses fell asleep with his mouth open at the back desk. Someone else with a scarf and a warm green hoodie on was manning the information board, trying his best to make himself heard and keeping the crowd in control.

Corpse waited until the high school kids dispersed to talk to the person. He seemed like he was the only one keeping the entire booth together, so asking them would probably be the best shot. He figured that if the person was kind enough to not snap at a bunch of overly loud teens who were going at him with a barrage of questions, maybe they wouldn't judge him on how awkward he was.

"Hi," Corpse said. The person suddenly turned his attention to him, which caught Corpse off guard. What happened next continued to disarm him: a sweet, if apologetic and tired, smile, and a soft voice. So, so soft. "Hello! Sorry, I didn't see you there. Is there anything you want to know?"

"I, um," All his practice from earlier went down the drain. He couldn't find a single word that he needed. The hangnail tore and bled into the linings of his pocket.

"Ah, I'm sorry, I haven't introduced myself! That's very rude of me, no wonder you seem confused," The person extended a hand that Corpse took with his own shaky palm. Steady and clean, much unlike Corpse's chipping nail paints and the speck of blood that had just begun to clot at the tip of his index finger. Corpse hoped it wouldn't stain the person's fingers. It would be disgusting. He would be disgusting. "My name is Sykkuno, and I'm a graduate student here. My concentration is Statistics but if you have any question about the other majors in this department, I'll be happy to help,"

"Thank you," Corpse murmured. He found Sykkuno's voice comforting, enough for his anxiety to ebb. It was a strong river current, now, instead of a tsunami. Still threatening to drown him, but at least he saw a rock he could hold on to for now. Sykkuno was that rock. Sykkuno, the gentle, exhausted grad student with the soft voice and the beautiful smile.

There were a few people that came and went, and Sykkuno replied to their (thankfully) shorter questions. "I, um. I'm a media major," Corpse tried, hesitant. Sykkuno was still looking at him, waiting patiently. "I'm an undergrad media major and I have this project. For a class, I mean,"

"Oh, you're in media? That's so cool, I don't really have a lot of friends who are in media. In fact, I don't really have a lot of friends at all, actually? So, yeah, haha." Sykkuno laughed, unsure. "I mean. Not that I have zero friends, it's not like that, I mean. My friends are usually not people who major in media studies. I do have friends! But not a lot. Just a few friends. That was what I was trying to say," Sykkuno's voice was rising in pitch now. "I'm so sorry for that long ramble, that was too much information, you probably didn't need to know all that. Anyway! A project, you were saying?"

Corpse was entranced by Sykkuno's spiel. So many things went through his head at once, like _he's like me he's like me he's anxious but he's trying so hard not to show it_ and _his voice is so nice and soothing I can fall asleep just listening to it_ and _he's so cute his hands are so soft_ and _he waited for me and didn't tell me off for being fucked up or awkward_. He had never met Sykkuno before, but he already felt like this person was safe. Sykkuno was safe. If he could, Corpse would hide inside Sykkuno's head so he didn't have to face the rest of the world and could spend all day just listening to Sykkuno's voice.

"Corpse?"

"Ah. I'm sorry," Corpse snapped himself out of his stupor, shaking his head. "Sorry, I was spacing out for a bit there, I wasn't paying attention, I'm sorry,"

"It's fine," Sykkuno replied brightly. "Take all the time you need. And, uh, if you need to sit down because it doesn't seem comfortable just standing in the front like this you can..." Sykkuno glanced at the inside of the booth, grimacing at the guy who was still snoring. "Nevermind! I'll get you a chair instead - eh - " and with that, he pushed his own chair from the other side of the table and nudged it toward Corpse. "Please have a seat!"

Corpse was close to crying. Sykkuno was so considerate to him, a total stranger. He had been sure that nobody was this good in real life until he saw Sykkuno.

Okay, you can do this, Corpse. He's safe. Sykkuno's safe. Nothing bad is going to happen as long as you're talking to him. "Can I interview you for my project?"

What?

"Wha- me?" Sykkuno blurted out, just as surprised. Corpse didn't have time to recover and clarify himself before Sykkuno steamrolled on, "I mean, I would be honored, of course, but - are you sure? A project sounds important, so I'm sure you can find someone better--"

"It's okay if you don't want to," Corpse quickly said. "I just- I need to interview a Math major for this assignment, anyone, really, it's just a quick video project,"

"It's not that I mind being interviewed," Sykkuno replied, "but I'm no one special. I'm just a regular guy. I don't think I'd do a good job for your grades,"

A regular guy wouldn't wait until Corpse was finished warding off the beginnings of his panic attack. A regular guy wouldn't care that he had social anxiety. A regular guy wouldn't offer up his seat to him just because he looked nervous. "Sykkuno, you'd be perfect for my project. Again, if you don't feel comfortable appearing in front of a camera, that's okay, but I'd rather just have you on my project," Rather than having to ask someone else and risk them not being as understanding as Sykkuno. Rather than having to repeat this whole arduous process all over again.

Sykkuno sighed and smiled. "Are you sure?"

"A hundred percent positive,"

"Alright, then, Corpse," Sykkuno fished his phone from his pocket and handed it to Corpse. "Here, save your number in my contacts so I can let you know when I'm free,"

"Actually, um," Corpse hesitated. "I usually don't give out my phone number to anyone, I don't think even my friends have it - I'm sorry,"

He expected Sykkuno to be confused, to tell him that it's weird that he wanted to interview him but wouldn't tell Sykkuno his phone number, but Sykkuno only nodded. "Okay, then. Anywhere else I can contact you? Twitter, Discord, Instagram, anything?"

Corpse blinked. "Discord - Discord is fine,"

Sykkuno switched to the notes app and told Corpse to write his tag down. Numbly he typed out his Discord tag and handed the phone back to Sykkuno, who gave him another smile. "I'll see you later, then, Corpse from media studies?"

"Yeah. Alright," Corpse nodded. "Thank you so much for agreeing to this, Sykkuno,"

"Anytime," Sykkuno said, then winced at the flash of thunder from the window outside the exhibition hall before the sound cracked above them. "Oh jeez, I didn't realize the rain is this bad already. Will you be alright, Corpse?"

Corpse didn't even realize it had started raining. "I'll be fine. Thanks again, Sykkuno,"

Sykkuno seemed to pause for a moment before shaking his head. "Ah, no - you know what? They'll have to handle this on their own," Sykkuno moved to tap on his boothmates' shoulders and get their attention. "Hey, guys, I'm gonna drive Corpse here back to his place, so please take care of our booth! Make sure you don't burn it down,"

"Wouldn't dream of it," The glasses guy in the back replied, still half-awake.

"I was gonna say I was kidding, but since you're the one who said that..." Both Sykkuno and the guy snickered. Sykkuno offered his hand to Corpse. "Alright, then, let's go?"

"You really don't have to,"

"It's the least I can do, come on. And I was heading home anyway - I've been here for too long, I'll let the undergraduates do the rest of the week,"

"Can we not go to my place, at least?" Corpse asked. "We can go to yours, or anywhere else, just...I'm not comfortable showing people where I live," He let out a short exhale. "Please don't take that as an offense,"

"Of course not," Sykkuno agreed amicably. "We can stop for take-outs and then we'll go to my place until the rain stops, how does that sound?"

Too good to be true. "Do you have an umbrella?"

"Just take my coat, I'll be fine," Sykkuno said, flipping his hoodie up. Clutching the coat Sykkuno tossed him, Corpse jogged to keep up with Sykkuno and take his outstretched hand.

Still as steady and warm as earlier.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fuck i forgot to put specific notes for this fic at the beginning so here it is. have fun reading boring terms and conditions by yours truly.
> 
> \- while i speak fluent english, it is my third or fourth language, and therefore i don't sound as natural as a native speaker does. if you find a phrase of a sentence that feels odd, this is probably why.  
> \- i am also not american but i tried to write a college experience set in the US without having an actual US citizen beta read this fic.  
> \- title is from 'homemade dynamite' by lorde.  
> \- i will update and add to the tags as i go! chapter count may also change in the future. please always pay attention to the tags and rating as i may update them at times.

"Is he here to give me the shovel talk?" Corpse deadpans. Sykkuno muffles a laugh into his palm.

"That's strange, I also thought the same thing when I first met him,"

Corpse raises an eyebrow. "What, did you make a move on his then-girlfriend or boyfriend? And then you made them break up because you wanted to date Toast instead?"

Sykkuno chokes. "What the heck?" he wheezes. "Corpse, no, how the heck did you even - I'm not - why would you think I did all of those things? Where did that even come from? That's - you're really creative, but I didn't - that's so outlandish, Corpse,"

"You said you also felt the shovel talk vibes!"

"I did! And that's because I thought he was gonna murder me and shovel piles of sand on top of my body - that's what shovel talk means, right?"

"Oh my God," Corpse groans.

Sykkuno is still laughing. "Corpse! Why are you facepalming?"

"Nevermind," He waves Sykkuno off. He can't help but chuckle with Sykkuno; even if the joke is dumb and everything they just did is dumb, his laughter is contagious. "So is that true? Is Toast going to murder me?"

"Nope," Toast says, popping the 'p'. "I don't know what Sykkuno's been telling you, but I'm not a serial killer,"

Now Sykkuno laughs so hard he bursts into tears. Corpse almost tackles Toast to the ground out of reflex but catches himself in time. "Please don't surprise me like that,"

"Oh, sorry," Toast puts two hands up.

"You know I'll never say anything bad about you, Toast, I love you too much for that," Sykkuno says, and Corpse's heart sinks to the bottom of his stomach.

Toast shrugs. "I don't know, I thought you'd left me for some younger, fresher meat," He looks at Corpse for a second, just an imperceptible glance that carries no heat, but Corpse feels the pressure of it regardless.

"Are you jealous?" Sykkuno snorts.

"Of course not," Toast answers too fast.

"I can have more than one friend and still love all of them, that's a thing I can do," Sykkuno pats Toast's shoulders. "No need for all that,"

"Please shut up,"

"I love you, Toast," Sykkuno sing-songs in between bouts of laughter. "I love you, Corpse. You guys are my best friends,"

"Jesus,"

Corpse coughs. "For what it's worth," he says, "I love you too, Sykkuno. You're a good friend,"

"Somehow it sounds better when Corpse is saying it," Toast snickers and gives him a thumbs-up. "I love you too, Corpse,"

"Ah - I've never heard you say it back even once! All these years of friendship and Corpse gets to hear it first..." Sykkuno pouts. "It's okay. We'll get to it. One day you'll say you love me too, Toast,"

Toast gives him another shrug, but smiles back nonetheless.

_I wish you were here in my class,_ Corpse types out one day through Discord. _Maybe that way I wouldn't sprint right back home once the professor dismisses us._

_pfft i always do that as well :D_ _,_ comes Sykkuno's reply not a minute later. Corpse holds back a laughter, muffled by his hand. _Sy, aren't you a TA? Why are you still responding to me?_

_because all my students are on their phones, like you are_

Corpse snorts.

_(JOKING i was joking hahahahahah)_

He does find, though, now that they've known each other for a while, he's never made a beeline from the university to the subway when his classes end for the day. Lately Corpse has been stopping a lot at the milk tea place near campus, placing orders for caramel macchiato and an overly sugary bubble tea. The condensation will seep through their plastic cups to his palms as he loiters outside the Math building. He doesn't always meet Sykkuno, though. Sometimes the grad student runs long nights crunching his data and elects to sleep on the cold hard floor in the lab's side room. (Corpse is getting him a warmer sleeping bag and another blanket with Bimbus chibi art printed on it. They should arrive tomorrow.) Sometimes Sykkuno doesn't have class on the day that Corpse does. During days like this, he takes the macchiato back home and nurses it as he procrastinates on his midterm.

"He's gone home early," says a familiar voice from ahead at the lobby door.

"Hello, Michael," Corpse nods at the person with the glasses. Their first meeting wasn't ideal, what with Corpse working up the courage to do his assignment and Michael falling asleep on his assignment. They're on good terms now. Corpse wouldn't have it any other way.

"Why don't you ever text him ahead of time?" Michael frowns. "You're gonna get diabetes drinking all of that every day, dude,"

"Well, do you want it?" offers Corpse, handing Michael the darker-looking cup. Michael's frown deepens. "Hell no. I'd rather have three energy drinks at once,"

"What's the difference," Corpse mutters, but he lets it slide. Carefully he takes a hearty sip from his own cup, saccharine. "I'd rather just wait like this. If he knows I'm coming, he can already be at home and he'll still take a thirty minute bus ride back to the campus just so he can meet me,"

"Romantic!" exclaims Michael. Corpse chokes on tapioca. "Why don't _you_ just go to his place straight away and get laid?"

" _Michael_ ,"

"What?"

"It's- it's not like that," Corpse feels his phone buzz. He switches his grip on both drinks to one hand and reaches blindly for his phone with another sweaty hand. "Sykkuno and I aren't together. It's too early to even think about going there,"

_sykkuno sent a photo: bimbus doesn't want to take a bath :(_

Corpse chuckles and taps to react with a heart emoji.

"I don't even know how you get your fingers to twist like that," Michael is no longer standing next to him; he's crouched near Corpse's hand now, hovering over the precarious cups balanced there. "And, look, I'm not the expert on this. As much as I want to say that you should just go for it, Sykkuno has been Lily's friend longer than I have known the two of them. And while I took the leap and did it anyway, I'm not sure if Sykkuno's as unhinged as Lily and me are," Michael tries to pry one of Corpse's fingers off the cups. Instead of coming off, Corpse's fingers press harder against the cup, accidentally spraying Michael's face with sweet coffee.

"Oh, Poki just posted something on the group server," Corpse informs while Michael splutters. "House party? What's the occasion?"

"Dunno. Nothing's going on in our side of the house, so it must be Rae's group," Michael answers, still rubbing his glasses with the end of his t-shirt. "Oh, wait, right, she said it was your birthday last week. So it's your birthday party!" Michael raises his hand to ask for a high five. "Happy birthday, dude! You get to be 23 first!"

Corpse stares at Michael's hand, still hanging up on the air, then to his phone screen, then at Michael again. "My birthday is in August,"

"I am an independent man who don't need no..." Michael reaches into his backpack with his free hand. "...man. Where the fuck is it. I think someone said it was Sykkuno's birthday too?"

"No, it's still later this June," Michael takes out a disembodied hand that looks disturbingly real from the side pocket of his backpack and slaps it against his hand that he finally pulls down after a whole minute passes. "High five! This hand will represent you, Corpse, look, it's even got your rings over here,"

"Pretty sure those are just scabs," Corpse says. "But that's one hell of a hand. Where'd you get it?"

"Lily stole it from the pre-med morgue,"

Another buzz. _Toast will supply the drinks so we can, well, toast! :D_ is immediately pepehanded by three people. Corpse laughs out loud this time.

"Do you think he still hates me, though?" Corpse muses as he tosses the now-empty boba cup into the trash can. The next bus is in ten minutes. His response of _you're funny, Sykkuno_ gets no less than ten people reacting to him with bold blue S I M P letter-emojis. Michael stores his hand back to safety.

"Who, Toast?" Corpse nods. "Seriously? That dude doesn't have the capacity to hate. He's all barks and marshmallow heart,"

"Doesn't seem like it when I met him last time,"

"And you've met him how many times? Once?"

Corpse shrugs.

"Yeah, it takes a while for him to warm up to people. He's like a feral house cat, except instead of a cat he's more of a bald eagle," Michael considers this for a while. "Fuck. Maybe I should've got an eagle instead of a lizard for a new pet,"

Somehow Corpse feels there's more to that than Michael knows or cares to share, but he doesn't push the subject. Michael continues anyway. "If anyone is capable of forgiving but not forgetting, it's Sykkuno. But I think we can say you're safe in that regard, yeah?" He starts to walk away as Corpse's bus arrives. "See ya on the weekend,"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Are you coming to the house party tomorrow?_
> 
> _as long as you're coming too :)_
> 
> _..._
> 
> _Can't we just hang out in your place?_
> 
> _D: but then everyone will be sad because we didn't come!!_
> 
> _and it'll be awkward and quiet with just the two of us_
> 
> _We can hang in my place instead. I know you've never been here._
> 
> _wow, corpse, you're so desperate to avoid the crowd that you'd rather tell me your best kept secret?_
> 
> _...Maybe._
> 
> _I trust you, Sykkuno. More than anyone else._
> 
> _okay, suit yourself_
> 
> _just know that if you don't go then i won't go too_
> 
> _Okay._

**Author's Note:**

> [dreamwidth](daechwita.dreamwidth.org)   
>    
>  [twitter](twitter.com/qrtghoib)


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